Manu Chao, Moscow, 24.07.2009

• Guess who?
• Solo guitar Man
• Bass Man

You feel you became Russian when…

1. When crossing the street, you sprint.
2. In winter, you choose your route first by determining which icicles
are least likely to impale you on the head.
3. You give a 10% tip only if the waiter has been really
exceptional…meaning he/she smiled or said hello, got up from
thier chair to take your order, got your order right, and the
restaurant actually had what was on the menu.
5. You save table scraps for the pack of wild dogs living in the
courtyard.
6. You plan your vacation around those times of the year when they
turn off the hot water.
7. ‘Девушка! почему в блюде укропa нет!?’ (Why is there no dill in the meal?!)
8. ‘Da net!’ becomes a logical and useful phrase
9. You let the telephone ring at least 3-4 times before you pick it up
because it is probably a mis-connection or electric fault.
10. You hear the radio say it is just at or below freezing outside and
you think it might be nice day for a change.
11. You argue with a taxi driver about a fare of 40 rubles ($1.10) to
go 2-3 miles while it is snowing.
12. You win a shoving match with an old Babuschka for a place in line
and you are proud of it.
13. You hesitate to put on your seat belt to avoid offending the
taxidriver and the impending 5 minute conversation to explain why
you are putting it on.
14. You are pleasantly surprised when there is actually toilet paper
in the bathroom.
15. You look at people’s shoes to determine where they are from.
16. You’re anxiously concerned because you forgot your “just in case”
disposable hypodermic needle in your other coat.
17. You “automatically” hand in your pepper spray at the door before
going through the metal detector.
18. Your day seems brighter after seeing that goon’s Mercedes run into
by a pensioner’s “Moskvich”.
19. You are thrown off guard when the doorman at the nightclub is
happy to see you.
20. You wonder what the tax inspector really wants when she says
everything is in order.
21. You say he/she is “on the meeting”.
22. You have to think twice about throwing away the empty instant
coffee jar.
23. You’re offended when your American friend gives you a “dozen”
roses.
24. You don’t notice that Sony sticker on the front of your t.v.
25. You are relieved when the guy standing next to you on the bus
actually uses Kleenex.
26. You are envious when your friends door keys fit in their pocket.
27. You ask for no ice in your drink.
28. When you stop using “poshol” as a “to go” verb.
29. When you go mushroom and berry picking out of necessity, not
recreation.
30. When you develop a liking for beets or cabbage.
31. When you eat hot dogs for breakfast.
32. When you drink the brine from empty pickle jars.
33. When you can read bar-codes.
34. When you start shopping for products by their country of
production.
35. When you start to “feel” public transport and bridge opening
schedules.
36. When you know more than 60 Olgas.
37. When it doesn’t seem strange to publicly relieve yourself.
38. When the question… “Would you like fries with that?” has been
replaced by..”Would you like bread with that?”.
39. When your soup arrives with sour cream in it and you like it.
40. When you go to a restaurant and you play with the kitchen cat.
41. When you realize you have eaten an entire plate of meat product
and not questioned its origin.
42. When your internet connection hits 40K and you are excitied
because it hasn’t been that high in over a month.
43. When you buy a bottle of Panteen Pro-V and you are shocked when
the shampoo that comes out IS actually Panteen Pro-V.
44. You stare at the innostrantsii (outsiders) wandering around town
45. You ride the marshrutka shouting ‘ostanovite na ostanovke’ EXACTLY where you want to stop, and not worrying about handing your money to the driver via 6 people
46. You don’t think about wearing your stilettoes to the club… when it’s -20 outside
47. You don’t get it when your parents laugh if you order ’sock’ (сок=juice) in a restaurant
48. You keep typing ‘н’ instead of ‘n’
49. You appreciatively murmur ‘bogatstvo russkovo iazika’ (rich russian language) when you learn a new irregular plural
50. You actually start to use the prefixes with verbs of motion
51. You talk with your Russian neighbour about ‘those Europeans’ in the ballet interval
52. You are impressed with the new model Lada or Volga.
53. You start to say oiy, akh, ekh
54. Your friend asks you how your day was and you shake your head and say ‘voobshey’
55. You know which diminutive your friends prefer according to mood
56. You shove in front of that damn bab to get the last carton of kefir
57. You get suspiscious when someone smiles at you (rightly so).
58. You start measuring in km, kg, and, koneshno, sto gramms!
59. You realize that potato is a polezna and appropriate pirog filling
60. You join the queue at the ticket booth according to what time the tekhnicheski pererivs take place at each one.
61. You mutter ‘Дурак’ at the idiot who forgot the gherkins when they bought vodka.
62. You carry a plastic shopping bag with you “just in case”.
63. You know you’re going to miss everything so much when you leave…

Gravisound – The Auditorium

www.playauditorium.com

Further education

While thinking of further education I’ve surfed the Web and found some strange but funky articles:

• “MBA & GMAT: I’m not getting my MBA, and I’ll tell you why” @ Examiner

P.S.: To be updated

Explaning economics with… cows

In case your business partners need a lesson in economics… let them read the following economies classification.

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

WALL STREET CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new President of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead and ask the Treasury to buy you a new one.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called “Cowkimon” and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows. Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. Nobody believes you, so they bomb the shit out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

Samsung LED + Sheeps ADs video

Hand-made things

Designer wallets by db clay.

What if the Matrix ran on Windows

Inflation

 

Inflation

Funny french kangaroo video